Observations

In most places, if you want to experience summer weather and winter weather, you have to wait for summer and winter. But in Montana, they don’t believe in none of that malarkey. Over there, they can do four seasons in seven and a half hours. We're talking about a state that offers the experience of an 88 degree afternoon followed by a 27 degree evening. I wonder if the Montana Board of Tourism mentions that in their promotional material. "Are you eager to combine sunburns and frostbite? Well, you can't do that in Florida--I'll tell you that right now. Over there, all you can do is pick some oranges and go to the beach and high five a bunch of Cuban people and see Mickey Mouse. If you're looking for a really good time, you gotta head on up to Montana, where we will subject you to a wide variety of extreme weather conditions on a daily basis." Here’s the best way to pack for a trip to Montana. "Okay. I got my pink Speedos, and I got my 15 layer insulated g

We've all encountered someone whose refrigerator is excessively organized. The fruit is not merely congregated together in an unspecific manner. Citrus fruit gets its own exclusive drawer. "A fruit will not be admitted to the southwest drawer unless it contains ample amounts of vitamin C, it has a peelable outer layer, it has individual slices underneath that layer, and it is easily juiceable!" That's how the sheriff of this particular refrigerator lays down the law. Specific fruit drawers. And sauces that are arranged in order of their color, their flavor, and their Dewey Condiment Number. I'm talking about a carefully indexed condiment library where the Vegemite is definitely not between the ketchup and the BBQ sauce. The person in charge of that fridge--he loves the idea of sitting in his living room and knowing the exact longitude and latitude refrigerator coordinates of his turkey bacon and his goat cheese. He is one sick puppy--I'll tell you that right