Refrigerator Management Styles

We've all encountered someone whose refrigerator is excessively organized. The fruit is not merely congregated together in an unspecific manner. Citrus fruit gets its own exclusive drawer. "A fruit will not be admitted to the southwest drawer unless it contains ample amounts of vitamin C, it has a peelable outer layer, it has individual slices underneath that layer, and it is easily juiceable!" That's how the sheriff of this particular refrigerator lays down the law. Specific fruit drawers. And sauces that are arranged in order of their color, their flavor, and their Dewey Condiment Number. I'm talking about a carefully indexed condiment library where the Vegemite is definitely not between the ketchup and the BBQ sauce.

The person in charge of that fridge--he loves the idea of sitting in his living room and knowing the exact longitude and latitude refrigerator coordinates of his turkey bacon and his goat cheese. He is one sick puppy--I'll tell you that right now. You can verify that by taking the goat cheese and the turkey bacon, and switching their refrigerator locations. Then watch the fridge owner open his fridge. He'll look inside, and then he'll call up his office and tell his boss, "I'm gonna need to take a three week sabbatical. I have to devote myself to some RR." "Rest and Relaxation?" "Certainly not! 'I'm talking about Refrigerator Reorganization."

Then there are these other individuals who are on the opposite end of the spectrum. You look in their fridge, and there is absolutely no rhyme or reason to where anything is placed. I don't even know how to convey to you just how mixed the assortment is, unless I actually list the items inside. The top shelf has a grapefruit, a bowl of goulash, a bottle of Heineken, a pair of thong underwear, a dixie cup filled with chow mein, a 1984 issue of Archie's Comics, a camouflage canteen, and a pair of yellow flip flops. "The way my refrigerator works is, I don't actually look for stuff and find stuff. I just grab an item, and then I eat it or read it or wear it on my body."

Kate Middleton would not have married Prince William if he had maintained a fridge with that level of disorganization. No doubt about it, she would've told him, "Listen, Will. You can’t put your thong underwear and your chow mein on the same refrigerator shelf!" "Well why the devil not, Kate?" "It's not proper for a man of your station to do such a thing." "Tish tosh! This is how I conduct my refrigerational affairs--and if you disapprove of it, I really couldn't care less!" "That's it! I've had enough of this! I'm going to pursue a relationship with a man who does not treat his refrigerator like it's a box of rubbish!"